The Last Struggle - A Post-Apocalyptic Thriller (Ravaged Land: Divided Book 3) Page 11

  18

  Abby had helped Logan into the living room. His eyes were red and puffy.

  Logan had wanted to make it upstairs to say his goodbye to Charlie, but he hadn’t been able to make it across the living room. Shawn and Ryder were carrying Charlie down the stairs wrapped in one of the blankets.

  They carried her down with ease. She looked so small with the blanket around her.

  My cheeks were raw from wiping away my tears. The skin stung every time a new tear dripped down my face.

  “Wait,” Logan said as they stepped toward the door.

  “Are you sure?” Abby said with her arm around his shoulder.

  “Yes,” he said pushing himself to his feet. It took him a moment to steady himself, but once he started walking, it seemed to become easier for him.

  Logan placed his hand on Ryder’s shoulder, and Ryder lowered his head.

  “It’s not… she didn’t…,” Logan words faded as his shoulders bobbed up and down with his sobbing.

  Watching the pain they were going through stabbed at my heart like a dull blade. I gasped sharply as I tried to hold back my emotions but everything flooded out of me bringing with it all the memories of losing my parents.

  I walked forward and then took three steps back. It felt like I was trapped in a nightmare and I didn’t know which way to go to find the exit.

  Shawn met my eyes for a second, but I couldn’t hold it together. I shook my head as I walked backward into the hall, turning to run into the bedroom I had been using as my own.

  I paced back and forth several times before flopping face first onto the bed. My arms covered my head as if that would somehow make everything go away. It didn’t. If anything, I think it made everything resurface even quicker.

  Charlie’s face flashed in my mind, and she was quickly joined by Eli. They were both smiling as they stepped aside to reveal my parents.

  The more I cried, the more distant their images became, so I didn’t try to stop the tears. When the front door closed, I pushed myself up and got out of the bed. It wasn’t fair to Logan and Ryder for me to be taking it as hard as I was. Maybe they’d understand the feelings it brought up, but I had to push it all away. I had to do whatever I could to be there for them.

  To them, it had felt as though they’d lost a sister. Dealing with death never got any easier, and sadly it seemed to be happening more often.

  It really was a shitty world we lived in. Was there any point to keep going until the next one of us was taken? Did any of us even have any kind of decent future waiting for us?

  I walked over to the window and watched Ryder and Shawn as they placed Charlie down near the house. Ryder grabbed the shovel away from Shawn and rammed it into the dirt, pushing it in deeper with the bottom of his boot.

  He tossed the mud to the side but he didn’t dig the hole deeper, he dropped the shovel, and fell to his knees. Shawn picked up the shovel and continued working where Ryder had left off.

  I sucked in a deep breath that squeezed my chest. I closed my eyes and exhaled before turning to go help Shawn.

  Ryder sat on the steps while Shawn and I took turns digging. After the hopefully deep enough grave was finished, Ryder stood there with his hands folded in front of him, and his head bowed as Shawn, and I lowered Charlie’s body into the grave.

  He mumbled something before sniffing and turning to go back inside the house. At least it was much easier to fill the grave than it had been to dig it.

  Once we got back inside, Logan, Abby, and Ryder were sitting in the living room silently. Shawn and I stood there as if we didn’t know what to do.

  “Should I… make some rice?” Shawn asked cautiously.

  There was a long pause before Ryder stood up. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides.

  “What for?” Ryder said his lips curling into a smile that had absolutely no happiness behind it. “It’s just a matter of time before we all die. Why should we prolong the inevitable?”

  “Um,” Shawn stammered and turned to me.

  I shrugged, but when Ryder looked at me with sadness pouring out of his eyes, I found my words. “For Charlie. She wouldn’t want you to give up.”

  “Says who?” Ryder chuckled. “She’d probably be happy to have me in the afterlife with her.”

  I swallowed hard. Knowing Charlie, that could be a distinct possibility, but I couldn’t let Ryder know that I thought so too.

  “She would want you to keep fighting. She’d want to see you succeed. To fight for everything we’ve been looking for,” I said, and Logan nodded.

  “Emery’s right,” Logan said, and Abby squeezed his hand.

  “We’re not going to find anything. I know it, and you know it. We all know it. This is all we have to look forward to,” Ryder said turning his back to us. “A life of roaming around trying to find food, water, and shelter while trying to avoid The Evolved and the natives.”

  Ryder hesitated.

  “Is this the life you guys want? I mean really? Is it?” Ryder asked.

  Shawn was the first to answer. “I prefer this to the alternative. There’s a chance things will work out.”

  “So optimistic,” Ryder said with a chuckle. “You were at death’s door yourself and now look at you.”

  “I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean, but maybe it’s because I was at death’s door, that I know I don’t want to go back. It’s not time for us to pay him a visit,” Shawn said gesturing at all of us.

  Abby stood up and cross her arms. “I’d like to think that there is some reason you guys saved me. A reason that I’m still alive.”

  Ryder looked down at his feet. I could tell he was searching for the words to argue with Abby’s comment, but that he also didn’t want to say anything that would hurt her.

  “Then again,” Logan said picking at his fingernails. “It’s not fair that I survived and she didn’t. We both ate the same stuff. Why was I spared?”

  “Maybe there’s a reason you were,” Abby said, her eyes filled with hope. “Your work here isn’t finished.”

  “There’s no such thing. Your body is alive until it isn’t. There isn’t a higher power at work here,” Ryder said.

  Abby frowned. “Believe what you want I suppose, but I think there has to be a reason.”

  “I never thought anything would happen,” Logan said covering his cracking voice with a cough. “It looked fine. It smelled fine. We were just so hungry. I’m so sorry Ryder.”

  Ryder didn’t say anything. He ground his teeth together and looked at me.

  “I just can’t do it,” Ryder said, and his eyes darted down to my hip. He moved fast and grabbed my gun before I’d even realized what he was doing.

  He turned it back and forth in his hand. Shawn took a careful step forward.

  “Ryder,” Shawn said holding out his hands. “Give me the gun.”

  “Shhh!” Ryder shouted rubbing his hand in his hair vigorously. I could see in his neck and by the way he stood that every muscle in his body was tensed. “Let me think.”

  “There’s nothing to think about,” I said unable to hide the anger from my eyes. I’d been annoyed and pissed off, not to mention slightly embarrassed, he’d disarmed me so easily. “It’s my gun, and I want it back.”

  Ryder turned and faced us all. He shook his head and released a laugh that chilled my bones.

  “If I want to be done with all of this, that’s my choice. Just let me go,” Ryder said through his teeth.

  “It’s my gun. My bullet. Do you even know how to use it?” I said taking another step closer.

  He pressed the barrel against the side of his head, and I froze. I couldn’t even open my mouth to say something that might stop him. Even if I had, I didn’t think he would have heard me. Ryder was right here with us, but at the same time, he was lost… so very lost.

  I heard the chair creak behind me, and in seconds Logan was standing next to me staring into Ryder’s eyes. It looked as though he was searching for somethin
g.

  “Ryder… this isn’t you,” Logan said holding out his hand. “Give me the gun.”

  “I won’t,” Ryder said pressing the gun harder to his skull.

  “You have to stop this,” Logan said putting all of his strength into his voice. “You can’t leave me behind. First Eli, now Charlie, I can’t lose you too. Please.”

  Ryder blinked and bared his teeth. His eyes widened, and I saw his finger twitch ever so slightly, but then his hand relaxed. His hand fell to his side as if the gun weighed thirty pounds.

  I took three quick steps forward and snatched it out of his hand. Shawn wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me back toward the hallway.

  Ryder sat down on the sofa and rested his face on his palms.

  “Fuck!” he shouted, but the volume was mostly muffled thanks to his hands. He looked up at me, and I barely recognized him. “I’m sorry, Emery. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  “It’s OK,” I said, but I wasn’t sure he was talking about taking my gun away, or at least it didn’t seem as though that was all he was talking about. I couldn’t help but feel as though he was referring to what had happened between us.

  Ryder was clearly distraught, and it seemed as though none of us actually knew how to handle it. I didn’t know what I could say to make him feel better. It would just take time, and with what I’d gone through with my parents, I know the pain and agony wouldn’t ever go away. Each day he would simply learn how to keep the feelings at bay and keep going, taking it one day at a time.

  “Why don’t you lay down,” Abby said rubbing her hand up and down Ryder’s arm. “Here,” she said helping him down on the sofa, “you just need to catch up on your rest. We’ll get you some water, a blanket.”

  “I don’t need a blanket,” Ryder grumbled.

  “OK, just the water then,” Abby said patting his arm before she stepped over to Shawn and me. “Is there any water?”

  Shawn stared at her for a moment as if she were speaking another language. His expression changed suddenly. “Oh, um, might be a little left. I’ll get started on more.”

  Abby followed him into the kitchen, and I stayed where I was as if my feet were glued to the ground. Logan whispered something to Ryder I couldn’t quite make out. They exchanged a glance that showed just how close they were to one another. Brothers. And after a short moment, Logan tried to make his way back to the chair.

  His eyes were wide, as he wobbled ever so slightly. Logan’s eyes connected with mine, and I was at his side grabbing his arm so he could use me for support.

  “Thanks,” Logan said jerking his chin toward the bedroom. “I need rest.”

  “OK.”

  I helped him into the bed which was quite a bit harder than I thought it would be. Logan was probably pretty worn out after the day's events, but I had to mentally give Abby credit for taking care of him the way she had. She was a lot stronger than I had realized.

  “He’ll be all right,” Logan said when I didn’t move.

  “Oh,” I said as I came back into the present moment. “I really hope so.”

  “It had hit him hard when we lost Eli, but he was able to keep that hidden better. He did it once, he’ll get through it again.”

  I chewed on my lip and nodded. “What about you?”

  “I got through it once I’ll get through it again,” Logan said with a half-smile.

  “I really hope so,” I said smiling back. “If there is anything I can do just ask, OK?”

  Logan’s eyes shifted downward. “You know as well as anyone there isn’t anything you can do.”

  “I know.” I swallowed down the lump that had formed in the back of my throat.

  My mouth felt dry, as I turned to leave.

  “Emery,” Logan said, and I stopped without turning.

  “Yes?”

  “It’s my fault, and I’m afraid once he realizes—”

  “Logan,” I said turning sharply. “It’s not your fault. You have to get that out of your head. What happened was not your fault.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think I can.”

  “You have to. You have to do it for yourself, for all of us… for Abby. That girl took care of you day and night, waiting and worrying. You’re going to keep fighting because you owe it to her.”

  Logan rested his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. “It just doesn’t seem right.”

  “A lot of things that happen don’t seem right, but we just have to keep going for those around us that we care about.” I took a step toward the hall. “Get some rest.”

  And with that, I dashed from the room. I sat down on my bed feeling overwhelmed. I’d started out on my journey alone, but suddenly I had people around me that I cared about. Hopefully, it hadn’t been a mistake, but after seeing what Ryder and Logan were going through, I couldn’t help but think that maybe it was.

  I could understand how Ryder felt because if anything happened to Shawn, I wouldn’t go on. My hand would be holding the gun to my head just as Ryder had done.

  Maybe it hadn’t been right for me to stop him. What if things would only get worse?

  19

  Several days had gone by before Ryder had even gotten off of the sofa. He’d spent most of his time staring at the ceiling or sleeping, but he had a lot of sleep he needed to catch up on. Ryder surely hadn’t gotten much rest while he’d been tending to Charlie.

  I wasn’t sure how many days it had been since Charlie passed, but I remember the day Ryder got up and stood near the window. He didn’t say anything just stared out looking at the field.

  Shawn had just come back from getting some water from the lake. He looked at Ryder wearing an awkward smile.

  “Hey, you’re up,” Shawn said.

  “Yup,” Ryder said without looking at him. “Is it hot out there?”

  “It is.”

  Ryder nodded. “Thought so. Getting hotter in here every day.”

  “Everything is drying out.”

  “Huh.”

  Shawn started to walk toward the fireplace to boil the water. It was unfortunate that we had to use the fireplace because it raised the temperature in the house to the point it was almost unbearable. But at night it got colder, and I was glad we had it.

  “Hey,” Ryder said turning around pointing at Shawn. “Want to go fishing?”

  “Ummm.” Shawn shifted his gaze toward me momentarily. “Sure.”

  Logan had been making his way into the living room and stopped in his tracks when he heard. He shook his head and then sat down in the chair.

  “Hungry for some fish?” Logan asked clearing his throat.

  “Yes, yes I am,” Ryder said. “Maybe you’ll be able to join us soon.”

  Logan coughed but smiled at the idea. “Yeah, I hope so.”

  Abby walked into the room rubbing her hands together. “He’s getting better every day.” She smiled at him so brightly I couldn’t miss all the love she held for him. “Thinking about making him try the stairs today.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Logan said shaking his head. I think he looked more frightened than I’d ever seen him look before.

  “You can do it,” Abby said. “I’ll be there to help.”

  Logan shook his head. “And if I fall?”

  “I’ll catch you.”

  “Ha! I’ll crush you.”

  Abby looked at me. “Emery will help, won’t you?”

  “Of course,” I said, but I wasn’t entirely sure if it was a good idea and Abby must have been able to sense my uncertainty.

  “My mom and I had to take care of my sick brother before he passed,” Abby explained. “Helping Logan is far easier than that experience.”

  I was curious what had happened to her brother, but I didn’t want to pry. If she had wanted to share, she would have, and it probably didn’t really matter anyway.

  Shawn got the water boiling and asked me to remove it when it finished. He and Ryder were off to try to catch some fish.

  “OK,
” Abby said holding onto one of Logan’s arms while I walked behind him on the other side. “You’re doing great!”

  “I feel like I’m seventy,” Logan grunted after taking in a deep breath.

  Abby clicked her tongue. “Nonsense. You have no idea what it feels like to be seventy.”

  “I have a pretty good guess,” Logan said.

  “Look,” Abby said with a slight bounce. “One more step. I’m so proud of you.”

  Logan narrowed her eyes at her, but he couldn’t hide the slight curl to his lips. It seemed as though maybe he was proud of himself too.

  “I still have to get down,” Logan said scrunching up the side of his mouth.

  “Down is the easy part,” Abby said.

  “Who says?” Logan asked, he turned around and glanced at the room Charlie had been in. He swallowed hard and looked down at his feet.

  Logan probably wished he would have been able to get up the stairs sooner. To have spent time with her in her last days. Or maybe he was making himself feel guilty all over again for surviving when she hadn’t.

  “Help me down,” Logan said gripping the railing tightly.

  I held my hands out in front of him as if I’d be able to catch him if he fell, which I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do. Abby was behind him with her hands on his hips.

  Either Logan was motivated to get away from the room, or he’d improved with the more he pushed himself to do. He didn’t need me there. He was slow, but he wasn’t having much trouble, if any, making his way down the stairs.

  “Great job!” Abby said throwing her arms around his neck when we got to the bottom of the stairs.

  I stepped around the snuggling pair that seemed to have forgotten I was there and walked over to the window. There was still no sign of Shawn and Ryder.

  “Hey, guys?” I said glancing over my shoulder. They had already made their way over to the chair, and Abby was curled up on Logan’s lap.

  “Yeah?” Logan said already sounding as if he was uninterested in whatever I was about to say.